Is dis cal sadness

10a.m i cleaning de house.. i sundenly think of my sis wedding... after think it i was smiling... but awhile more i start crying feel de pain de sadness in my heart.. is dis cal sadness i cry sundenly witout de reason y.... i feel sad very sad but wat i sad about it i dunno... is dis sumthing goin happen... feel uncomfortable now... feel like goin 2 fight like a war.... like everyone is crying.... i hope dis not goin 2 b true... by de way i saw my frenz today (mei peng) i feel happy but i cant show de feeling i miss them... i feel like day by day my feeling all gone.. no is not feeling my feeling still have is inner feeling not outter feeling... even i feel happy i cant show de happy on my face... nows a day i keep showing a fake smile not even can show de true of me... i feel my self goin into darkness... i feel sorry to my self... i realize tat i'm not hui theng anymmore is another person controling me already... ooo i grow bigger tat make me bcome like dis... do my frenz all think i'm changing o not....